No those glasses aren't mine before any one asks...

Just found this photo and it reminded me of how carefree and stressless my life used to be [no those glasses aren't mine before any one asks]. It is synonymous with a time where I lacked any forms of pressure: I didn't pay rent, I didn't have to work, I boned hot girls... I bullied kids at school, I fell in and out of love with consummate ease, 'cotched on road', didn't recycle, didn't give a fuck about my carbon footprint, ate junk food all day whenever wherever, had a trim every week, harassed teachers, drew funny pictures, read books, listened to grime, played playstation, watched TV, kicked a ball, got drunk for fun [never for necessity], went to parties, brawelled, threw strops, threw rocks, acted a cock, never listened, always answered back, had no discipline and literally didn't give a fuck... Best times of my childhood... Now I'm an adult/entering adulthood and I don't know if I'm ready yet. One thing is for sure: times have fucking changed... Word.

VALENTINES WEEKEND

you better all be about, i'm down for le weekend mes amis!
clear your diaries! its trading places on the sat and YOU BETTER BE THERE!xx

He makes me feel all gooey...

Why is it that I'm suddenly having homo erotic tendencies towards this man?

eman is ledge!

when i first saw your post, i looked like this...

when i started to read it, i looked like this...

after reading it, i looked like this all day...


and then decided to send you this...


i love my crew!!!!

xxxx

the new norwich union/ aviva advert

... surely this is an advert for deed poll??!!! not AVIVA!!!!

also, an advert that made me smile, and they often don't...:



xxx

schoolboy errors

im getting ready for work so this gotta be a quickie, and am gonna do a response to your post eman, as it is truly one to tell the grandchildren!

just thought id share with you 2 things i did yesterday that are typical me...

i put garlic butter on toast by accident, but still ate it. it was actually quite nice.

i was clearing a table and picked up an empty WKD bottle. it had had all its labels peeled off by whoever was drinking it. i told the guy sat at the table that whoever was drinking it is sexually frustrated, coz if you peel it off, 'they' (whoever 'they' are) say it means you are. he then told me that it was his girlfriend's drink, who had just popped to the loos.
OH THE SHAME!!!! i laughed and walked off. what a douchebag i am!!!!

hope you're all having a nice weekend, i know patrice is!!!!!!!!

heads up to zack, theo, kofi, joby and ben.... wheres the love on this blog???!!!!!! MEN!

tarik you are.... well.... words fail me. but they're all good words!

xxx

Are You Fierce?

My lovely Jo Malone!

what the woman did was wack dude, cant believe she admittedly used u, what a fucking wastebag.

There are important lessons to be learnt from all of this, and here i have a guide to teach you the right way to react in situations where peeps wanna just use and abuse.

1) Dont ever let set backs bring you down to the point where u pull out the 'WHHHHYYYYY MEEEEEEEEEEEEE' card like so:

as u can see, it aint a good look.

2) Tell whoever messed with ya to F.U.C.K. O.F.F. 

You dont necessarily have to say it TO them, but AT them, 

but SAY IT LIKE U MEAN IT and stick those fingers out physical emphasis.

3) Now remember that its difficult to trust people in this world. 

Everyone's the boogie man. and i dont mean like this type of evil 

( like the average jo would see):

4) This is the kind im talking about......i know ryte! who wouldve known!

5) You just have to stick it out and show them ur guns.

Be Fierce!

6) You call that fierce? blud, ur ass is gna get kicked with that face on.

I SAID F.U.C.K.I.N.G FIERCE!!!WHO'S THE BOSS? U ARE! SAY IT!

SHOW THEM UR GUNS GODDAMIT!

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGHHHHHHH!!!!! 

thaaaats more like it!

7) Life is full of ups and downs, its the way u deal with the downs that really makes u kick ass.

Just keep ur head up and be positive....

because you know u love life and i know u love life so dont tell me u dont love life!

and finally, EVERYTINGS GNA BE AIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRYYY!

(or in the words of Paul Context: Keep Calm and Carry On)

XxXXxXxxxx

ps. if u need to practice them fierce faces/moves, i have a few additional pics for inspiration. 

      im just sayin.

death is everywhere i look!

its very strange how in my 3 years in london i have heard bout stabbings, shootings, people committing suicide etc etc, but never actually seen any of it.
then i come up to carlisle and in the space of 3 weeks my grandma dies suddenly, i see somebody being given the kiss of life outside BHS but was blates already dead, then i drive past a car accident that had only just happened and the ambulance had just turned up and see a dead bloody (i actually mean blood) body at the side of the road. then i'm cleaning the bar as it hadn't been properly cleaned in TIME, and touch something i think is a mouldy black tissue only to realise it's a dead pigeon's head, behind the fucking bar!!! anyway they still aint got pest control/ someone in to remove the body, as its wedged between 2 bits of wood and you can't get to it. sick eh?


i had to keep my finger in a cup of disinfectant for 5 mins afterwards to make myself feel better. hope u like the pic by the way... :)
THEN! this girl that works at the bar came across a passed-out man in a park today, and had to call an ambulance!
WTF is going on????!!!
oh, and also, on a lighter note, why the hell is that guy from grease 2 (michelle pfeiffer's cool rider guy) in bloody emmerdale???!!!!!! scraping le bottom of le barrel methinks???!!!!!
can i also have some updates on you lot??!!! theres gotta be some goss! if ive got goss then you must have!
oh, also, our boss got sacked from the bar for taking the piss out of the stock. he'd just have pint after pint and not pay for it/ put it down in wastage. and also he does coke, so i think the directors found out and got rid. anyway, my point is, in his place for a few weeks til they find a new manager, is this guy called matt from a bar in newcastle. he's a bit of alright if ya get wot i mean! ill keep yeee updated with any drunken flirting/ face raping. hope he's single.
LOVE xx

not angry, just disappointed...

ok, so basically me and this lady started plans for our vintage clothing stall this week. painting, buying stuff from b&q, yadda yadda. i even designed this flyer for it (well, one side of a flyer):


however, it all kinda went a bit weird and it got to a point where she had her mind set on certain things, and wanted things the way she wanted it. this lady is 38 years old, living in her mate's spare room, vegan and anal. bleurgh. anyway, suffice to say i gave my time and creativity to somebody that didnt appreciate it, and basically admitted that she just wanted someone to help her with the logo design and flyer design, not actually share her 'shop'. but its a stall, in a market, in carlisle. it' s not brick fucking lane!!!

anywho, im disheartened yet again, and feel like ive hammered the 'everything happens for a reason' line too much recently. i just want something good to happen that wont turn around and smack me in the face a week later. just something. even a smack in the face wouldnt smack me in the face. get me???!!!!! enquired about setting up my own shop, and found an amazing shop. but the rent is 75k a year. WTF??!! might aswell BUY a shop for that price! oh woe is me!

i guess at least i now know that some people will never compromise, and some people, although older and supposedly wiser, are shooting themselves in the foot by being like that.

her loss.

might use the design for my new business card. she probably wont use it, what with the anal-ness and all. thoughts?

loves ya xxx

Yeasayer

this is for you jo! im listening to the boys from brooklyn right now and remembered when u first heard them at my place and made me repeat the song a zillion times! xxXx

soooooooo cute >>>>

XxX

Apple have done it again...

I found this gem of a clip on T.Magic's blog. The Macbook Wheel - 'a revolutionary new Macbook with no keyboard' - is Apple's 'latest' venture, sticking to the key philosophy of keeping things simple and, as I am told, 'nothing is more simple than a giant button'. Check out this and other 'interesting' news forecasts from the Onion News Network ('America's Finest News Source') here.

spiders on drugs

watched this ages ago and forgot how good it was!

hope this works...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cumbria/7805366.stm

...the most exciting thing to happen to my village all christmas... and it made the local news!

Bastard Americans...

Whathehelle has happened to Family guy season 7? Does anyone have an idea of where the rest of the episodes post "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing" (episode 6) have gone? It was going so well too - Season 7 was shaping up to be one of the best yet and I had already high hopes after the success of the previous season. This presumption will, however, be totally undermined if there is only 6 episodes in the effin' season! Can’t be bothered to investigate it, it will only depress me - does anyone else know what’s going on? Bastard Americans!